Different Shades of a Smile
by BookMaggots
Summary: Jushiro Ukitake Stories featuring many other characters: CH4 Sentaro is struggling with some inner demons, and due to his depression, finally thinks about leaving the Seireitei.
1. Melting Snow

Melting snow was originally a separate story, but I added it to this list because I want to keep all Ju-chan stories together XD It's not graphic, and the only 'warning' is some light Yaoi. It's been slightly edited, especially my glade and gale mix-up XD

Characters: Jushiro x Hitsugaya  
Summary: Winter is a killer, and Hitsugaya knows the cold of winter destroys all flames of life... or does it?  
Warning: Light Yaoi

* * *

**Melting Snow**

Winter kills.

That is the way it is, the ice consumes life, swallowing the small flecks of being into its maw, stealing breath away from hungry mouths and snuffing out their small flickering lives. Winter in itself is a murderer, a cold blooded killer that takes no prisoners, and shows no mercy to those foolish enough to beg for it.

And yet winter was his.

It walked with him, the icy breath caressing him in puffs of white, holding him greedily close by soul and heart. Hitsugaya knew that no matter what he did, winter would be his constant, and the ice would be his solitary companion for eternity. His soul was too… consumed in it, too captured by its magic that he could ever imagine life without it. He loved the snow, the ice, and the cold gales that howled in the bare branches of dead trees. It was his wonderland.

But winter was still a killer, and he had stood by countless times to watch the flames of his friends and family alike be snuffed out by his cold spirit. They would dwindle, their own souls slowly consumed by ice, frozen by the breath of his dragon. No one ever lasted, like his grandmother, they withered away. Or they would leave him, their spirits freezing and flames barely flickering in life as they walked out the door time and time again.

He had cause to be bitter, and to keep people away from him.

There were days when the wonderland would become his hell. Many times he wished fires could be stronger, or winds could be softer. But time and time again he was left alone in the freezing winds, talons holding him close and greedily keeping anyone brave or foolish enough away with wintry gales.

No flame would survive the wind. No fire could survive the endless ice.

He knew he would forever be alone, lost in a snow storm that sought to keep him safe. Held safe in a block of ice, where no flame could reach through the howling winds pounding relentlessly against his outside.

Winter was his curse as much as it was his companion.

He sat quietly in his office listening to the winter gales as he worked. The window was open letting the small flecks of snow drift in with the wind. Rangiku had left hours before, and he was grateful for the peace. She had begged him to come out drinking but there was much to do, and he had let her go early seeing as she had actually finished her reports.

Which in itself was a miracle.

The wind howled outside, he relaxed and let the voice of winter soothe him. It was a very cold snow this year, almost biting and a few Shinnigami had simply refused to leave their homes. Some even barricaded themselves in but Toshiro was content with the snowy wonderland, he reveled in its cold and angry voice.

The window panes rattled ominously. The winds were picking up. His papers were carefully weighed down with an assortment of mugs, books and a few rocks. But the pages flipped back as the wind ruffled through them. Hitsugaya enjoyed the breath of winter but he was in no mood to resort through all his reports.

He stood up and went to close the window. Outside it was dark, the lantern above the window swinging in the wind, the golden glow shifting erratically. He eyed it for a moment and without another thought snuffed it out. The world turned dark and he blinked, his eyes adjusting to the sudden dip in light. The cold wind bit into his skin but he closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of snow, which smelled crisp and dead.

Just like heaven.

He opened his eyes and blinked.

Coming towards the barracks was a strange hobbled figure. It was hard to see through the gale and snow but he could see the figure's destination was the front door. He frowned and turning back he shut the window and tied his sword to his back. He didn't take a coat, he never did.

The wind outside was freezing even for him but he didn't stop. He ploughed through the thick snow, heading straight for the late night intruder.

"Who goes there?" he said in a booming voice above the roaring winds.

"Hitsugaya-taichou," he knew that voice but it was muffled, "I am sorry for intruding so late but I fear your lieutenant needed a hand getting back,"

He blinked again. The shapes were making more sense now. He recognized the limp form of his drunken lieutenant barely hanging onto the shoulder of the man. Said man was dressed in a thick black coat, his head was hooded, his hands were gloved, his neck and lower face was wrapped up in a scarf and he wore big heavy boots that sunk into the white ice. If he hadn't heard the voice he would never have recognized him, "Ukitake-taichou?" he asked, keeping the hope out of his voice.

"Yes," there was humour in his voice, "I suppose you didn't recognize me in this attire," he chuckled, "but Shunsui and the others were in no state to take her back, and I was not comfortable leaving her there with an amorous Ikkaku,"

"I…" he hesitated and shook his head, "You shouldn't be out in this cold!" he scolded, helping to carry the drunken girl into the offices, "It will be the death of you,"

It was true. Winter was a killer, and he knew how cold it could be. Jushiro Ukitake was a prime example of a weakling in the eyes of that beast. It would show no mercy to him, no matter how warm and bright his flame shone.

But the man just chuckled happily, "I rarely go out in winter," he conceded, "But I am not a fragile porcelain doll, Shiro-chan,"

Hitsugaya grit his teeth, just barely stopping himself from snapping at the man, but he could feel a faint blush rise up in his cheeks. He was right, he wasn't a weakling but in the eyes of snow, cold and ice he was. Still it must be tiresome to have people constantly worry over you. He could sympathize with that at least.

They moved inside and he quickly heaved Matsumoto into one of the spare rooms. She was wrapped up in her coat and scarf and Hitsugaya only removed her shoes before pulling a blanket over her. He didn't envy her the hangover tomorrow.

Lieutenant settled he headed out to find Ukitake standing in the entrance hall, staring up at the ceiling.

Hitsugaya stalked closer, "Thank you," he said, "For bringing her back,"

"It's no problem," Ukitake said, but did not look at him.

He frowned, "What are you looking at?"

Jushiro didn't answer immediately, his face took on a vaguely sad expression and when he did speak he still stared at the ceiling, "At memories," he said softly. Hitsugaya's frowned deepened but before he could inquire Jushiro continued, "There was a time when this Division was the center for art and culture," he smiled sadly, "It was many, many years ago but here on the ceiling the Captain would always paint the four seasons,"

Hitsugaya looked up at the blank ceiling. The wood polished beautifully.

"Every year," Ukitake continued, "Every year he repainted it, in a different style, or in different colours, or in different cultural backgrounds or themes. And every year it was a master piece,"

"What happened?"

Ukitake's face saddened further, "Times changed," he said softly, "The captain died, and people forgot, and soon no one could remember the beautiful ceiling of the tenth division,"

Hitsugaya stared at the ceiling for a moment, "Where was winter?"

Jushiro smiled and pointed to the bottom right, "Usually there. But he did get very creative. One year the winter just… melted into spring,"

He stared solemnly at the ceiling._ Yes_, he thought _winter did melt but no flame or ray of sun has ever penetrated the ice around me_.

"Well," Ukitake said pulling him from his thoughts, "I should be off," he turned and bowed to Hitsugaya, "A good night to you, and I hope Rangiku-san feels better tomorrow,"

Hitsugaya hastily bowed back but hesitated before answering. The man had just ploughed through three divisions worth of snow to bring back his lieutenant and to save her dignity. Not that she had much but he couldn't fault him for being a gentleman no matter who he was carrying.

"Would you like to stay?"

Jushiro blinked.

"For a cup of tea!" Hitsugaya spluttered at the expression on his fellow Captain's face.

Jushiro smiled, humour sparkled in his eyes, "I would be delighted,"

He nodded and led him up to his office. The room was freezing but he knelt down by the fire place and quickly started a small fire. He rarely used it but Rangiku insisted he at least keep a few logs close by for an emergency. Tonight he was grateful he had listened to her for once.

Jushiro settled on the coach, and pulled down his hood and scarf, revealing a red nose and pink cheeks. He looked at the smiling captain and could not help but offer one back. The man was infectious to a fault. He turned around and started the tea. It was silent as he worked, and it was slowly making him nervous. Why had he invited him? He thought feeling very self aware and foolish. It wasn't as if he had a reputation of amiability to uphold, quite the contrary actually. Jushiro was an annoying old Captain who kept giving him sweets (no matter how delicious those damned things were it was still annoying!)

Yet now he had invited him into his office for tea, and he had no idea what to say to him.

Part of him said it was good to extend pleasantries from time to time. It solidified comradeship and it helped in battles to understand one another. But another part, a sneaky hidden part told him that was bullshit and he had to start accepting the fact that he had a small (**big**) crush on the handsome and kind Captain.

He stole a glance at the snow white hair pooling around thin shoulders, and swallowed stiffly.

Jushiro Ukitake was a handsome, kind and beautiful man. Hitsugaya had been watching him since long before he ever became Captain, and every time he saw him his heart would jump in his throat. He didn't know why it was so or even exactly when it started. But he knew he would never react on his need. Jushiro was much like a snowflake, he moved and spoke like one too, elegant, soft yet erratic. Always kept you guessing.

But snowflakes got lost in storms, they were swallowed by gales. As beautiful as Jushiro was he had no chance against the impending ice glacier that was Hitsugaya's spirit. The cold was not kind to Jushiro, it was bitter to him, harsh as proven by the layers of clothing he wore against it. Toshiro was terrified that should he ever get too close his own cold would smother out the beautiful flame of Ukitake.

He could never live with it.

Jushiro took the steaming cup gratefully. "Thank you. This is most welcome,"

He nodded and settled down next to him, taking what little he could get away with.

They sat in silence, both starring off into space and neither saying a word. Perhaps words weren't necessary, he thought, he'd always been a quiet man himself and Jushiro had never struck him as a man to babble endlessly for no reason. So they sat, each lost to their own thoughts enjoying tea in the company of someone they admired or at least liked.

Then he felt it.

The smallest tingle of heat that whispered just beyond his spirit. It pressed in from the outside, against the gales and block of ice that kept him locked in place. Just a whisper, a gently caress of warmth in the raging storms. Toshiro frowned and turned to look at Jushiro who was studiously watching the opposite wall, his hand holding his tea limply in his hand and occasionally taking a sip.

But the whisper of heat was still there, just at the edges gently brushing the storms, never pressing just whispering.

"Toshiro?"

He looked up at the strange thick voice, filled with an emotion he couldn't place, "Yes?" he asked watching him intently.

"May I hold your hand?"

His heart leapt into his throat, and he could barely swallow. He should say no. He _must_ say no, if he acquiesced then he would surely destroy him. Toshiro eyed him for a moment but he wasn't smiling, he wasn't even looking at him. There was an expression of resolve on his face, as if he had already decided his request would be denied.

Toshiro had never been one to play by the rules.

"Yes," he said softly taking great pleasure in the disbelieving expression on the man's face. There was a moment of tense silence then Jushiro reached out and gently took his hand. Entwining their fingers tightly.

Toshiro swallowed. His hand was warm, calloused and comfortable.

The comforting warmth of the other spread gently through him, it enveloped him in ways he never thought possible. But he also knew it wouldn't last, the flame cannot stand against the cold. He should pull away now while he still could but this warmth felt different. There was no heat, just the definite spread of it… it was strange, almost like running tap water slowly heating up by means of an old geyser.

Toshiro sat shivering, gripping the strong hand that pulled him close. And the warmth spread, through his back it started, and slowly seeped into his legs, drifting downwards and claimed his feet. They tingled as the heat captured them. He closed his eyes and waited.

Further it spread, thawing the ice and Toshiro felt amazement wash over him.

Soon he was enveloped in a cocoon of warmth, Jushiro's steady hot breath pooling against his neck. He sat very still, almost waiting for his soul to suck the life out of him, but it never happened. It wasn't like flame or fire or burning embers. The heat was constant, patient and slow, carefully breaking away the ice and calming the raging storms.

Rain, it was the only thing that could chase away a bitter winter. And he knew now Jushiro was nothing like a snow flake, he was too warm for it he was a shower of rain patiently thawing out the frozen lily one drop at a time.

A hot mouth kissed his neck, melting away the final drops of ice, and leaving Toshiro shuddering in strong arms. His body reacting eagerly to the welcomed affections.

He bit back a needy gasp when the mouth returned, trailing feather kisses up his neck and sucking gently on his jawbone before pulling away.

He turned his head just, and stared at open green eyes that melted into his own, quietly asking permission. Toshiro leaned his head closer, hesitated, and then closed the distance tentatively.

Jushiro hummed into the kissed, pressing his body closer to the smaller one, and Toshiro felt the last of winter melt away into the waiting arms of spring.

* * *

I will always have a soft spot for this story ^_^


	2. Nice Guy

_Just updated this on on AFF, I'll post the third one tomorrow ^_^ This is not a very good one-shot, but I will admit it was fun to write. Comedy has never been my forte, but I do try at least XD_

_As always all comments/thoughts and critique are welcome. Enjoy!_

Title: Nice Guy

Warning: None (lots of swearing though XD)

Characters: Soifon, Ukitake (no paring) and Shunsui (cameo)

Captain Ukitake of the 13th division was a nice guy.

Well that was an understatement. It was like saying Mayuri was a little off. It didn't even come close to covering that crazy bastard. But when all was said and done Ukitake would always be a nice, thoughtful, polite and considerate gentleman. That was not to say he was a stiff, far from it he and that oaf Kyoraku probably got into more trouble than all Captains combined.

But Ukitake never seemed to get angry or upset. He was just so nice, just so sweet, so perfect, happy, polite and content.

It made Soifon want to **_kill _**something.

Whenever he smiled or laughed, or apologized, or accepted apologies or_ opened the door for her_, she felt every single cell in her body burn with the mad need to sink her blade into his eye just to hear him _swear _for once! The depressing part was he probably wouldn't even _get angry_! He'd probably apologize for something he hadn't even done!

_Damn him!_

The Captain's meeting had been over three hours ago, but it didn't do much to calm her down. Ukitake, _noble _Ukitake had decided to try and give a lighter sentence to a Mass Murderer. His reasoning? _We didn't understand his motives_. His motives, hos honest to god motives. The reasoning behind why he was a crazed lunatic with a sword, that was credible enough to give the idiot a lighter sentence. And to top it off, Yamamoto had agreed.

It made her blood boil.

Soifon took a deep breath, and started walking again, the Captain's meeting this morning had been a big headache, and now she was on her way to Unohana to deliver a report from a mission gone bad. The woman needed it for her records. Usually she sent someone else, but half of her crew was currently either out cold or lying in bed pretending to be out cold. She was pissed off, angry at them for screwing up a simple recon mission, and now she had to do their work.

They will _suffer._

It was as she was turning a corner, her mind far away plotting her revenge, that she did not so much as bump as physically slam into something large and sharp. She hit the floor, papers scattering in every direction just as the sound of breaking porcelain clapped on the wooden floor. For a moment she stayed like that, staring up at the overhanging ceiling of the walkways, and slowly watched as the papers descended, bringing ample amounts of depression to settle on her head. Honestly could her life get any worse?

"Oh dear," and it just got worse, "Are you alright?"

Captain Uki-_fucking_-take, just perfect.

There was a part of her that wanted to stand up and kick him the crotch. It was tempting and the swear that would follow would surely make her very happy, but she resisted. Kicking other Captain's was frowned upon, especially when it concerned Yamamoto's golden boy.

"Jushiro?" came Shunsui's voice, and her mood, if possible darkened even further, "Are you... oh, damn"

"I'm fine," she said and ignored the hand he held out fer to take. She did not need his bloody help. She pushed herself up and quickly started picking up the papers. The very ones she'd spent over an hour trying to file in the right order.

"Your mothers vase," Shunsui said, and the tone in his voice made her frown. It was only then that she saw the fragments of royal blue and gold strewn under the papers, "Oh Ju..."

His _mother's_ vase? You've got to be fucking kidding me! What are the chances of this happening? What are they, honestly? Her guilt barely outweighed the anger, and she managed to calm herself down. This was probably _worse_ than kicking him in the crotch. His _mother's _vase? She thought with a hopelessness she hadn't felt in years, that means it must be over a millennium old. And now it was her goddamned fault it was in tiny porcelain fragments in between her ruined paperwork. It made her feel just a little sick.

She sighed heavily and looked up at the older Captain, and wondering if there was anyway she could make it up to him. She'd never been a dramtic person, but she had honour, and she knew that even if it had been his fault, the damage was far too great to simply ignore. It had been accident, but she felt mostly responsible, especially since she couldn't stop wishing for his death since the Captain's Meeting this morning.

Jushiro's face was carved in marble and set with shock, still and motionless. And a new wash of guilt had her swallowing stiffly. For all he was, he was still only human, she realized. Filled with emotion and sadness and depression just like the rest of us. And this must be awful for him on some level. Like killing-his-brand-new-puppy-with-his-own-zanpakto- aweful.

But her kind thoughts dissipated into thin air when before her very eyes he had the audacity to blink and smile at her. Not a sad smile, oh no, a happy forgiving and accepting smile that would have Mother Theresa cry with envy.

She gaped at him, and then he said in that kind... "It's fine," ...patient,... "It was just a vase," ..._considerate..._, "I'm just relieved she didn't get hurt,"...and** understanding voice, that ****_drove her batshit CRAZY_****!**

"What the _**fuck **_is **wrong **with you?!" she yelled before she could stop herself.

Jushiro blinked at the out burst, a curious frown on his brow which only served to spur on her fury. She stood up, her anger bubbling and boiling and finally snapping into a whirlwind of maddened fury. She'd had _enough_. "To think that for two seconds I actually had sympathy for you!"

"I beg your pardon?"

She almost gagged.

"Always a gentlemen! I swear if you started coughing up edible rainbows and crystal butterflies I will actually peg it down to your insides being made of fucking candy! You are the friendliest, sweetest sonovabitch that has ever walked the earth, it is not fucking natural! Why can't you be like everyone else and just be a dick from time to time? Is that so hard?"

"I am... sorry?" he apologized completely perplexed.

She blanched.

"You _see_? How does that _not _drive you _crazy_!?" She flung her hands up in a frustrated gesture, before pointing a finger right under his nose, he leaned back, his eyes crossing as he looked at the digit, "Stop spewing around sickening amounts of vanilla coated joy, stop being nice, stop being understanding, stop _not _caring when people break your shit, stop caring for EVERYONE, and just ..." she took a deep breath, "Stop being such a_** fucking nice guy**_!"

She turned around and stormed away, leaving papers and a dumbstruck Ukitake in her wake. The silence that followed was deafening, and after a long moment Shunsui finally came to his senses and placed a hand on his shoulder. Jushiro started slightly and in a slight daze, turned to him, his eyes wide, "What just happened?"

"Ah…" Shunsui said nodding wisely, although still a little shell shocked, "A woman," he said, "That's what just happened,"

"Ah…" Jushiro echoed blinking, "I suddenly have much more sympathy for you my friend,"

And Shunsui laughed.

It's not perfect, but heck I had fun with it :)


	3. Beyond the Blue (Part 1)

_A/N I like Sentaro._

_I know I am one of the few who do, but I also liked his more sensible nature. Kiyone makes him annoying but when he is alone I think he is a pretty good swordsman and even stronger leader. He comes across as someone who doesn't panic under pressure for me, and can be a lttle hard on people if need be. He crawled into my heart a lot more slowly than other characters and before I knew it I found myself constantly thinking about him._

_This story is a dedication to him of sort, but mostly it's my own guilty pleasure XD I wanted to write him in an emotional position, he comes across as someone who might struggle with understanding and accepting his emotions because he can be so hard and rough. Still, I am getting the idea this story might not be as popular as the other two. But heck I had fun with it, so let's hope you guys will at least enjoy reading it as well!_

_Also if you have your own idea about Sentaro, then by all means share! The guys gets so little attention I think he just might deserve a discussion!_

_In closing I hope someone enjoys it, I certain enjoyed writing it, and as always if anything looks iffy or wrong just let me know! I love constructive crit :)_

_BookMaggots_

And just a _big thank you_! To** ChocoChibi**, **Merry Kitten** and **Cylnein**! I really appreciate your support and reviews and I will reply to them as soon as my plot bunnies die! XD Promise!

Title: Beyond The Blue:

Warning: Depressing, a little boring perhaps and very self-indulgent XD

Characters: Sentaro, Ukitake, Shunsui

* * *

**Beyond the Blue**

The wind was picking up. The red and earth leaves tumbled and danced, so easily swooped up by the currents as they rode the breezes. The sky was clear, pockets of white clouds lay strewn across the deep blue, and for a moment he wondered idly what lay beyond those skies. Perhaps some other world where life was perfect? Or maybe more darkness? He preferred the former of course, no one wanted more darkness-

"Sentaro?"

Sentaro started out of his thoughts by the warm rich voice. He looked over his shoulder and sure enough his Captain was standing in the doorway wearing a curious expression, "What are you doing?"

He blinked and looked down at his hands, they were dipped in sudsy water, bowls and cups drifted around the basin, but it took him a full moment to think up an answer.

"Sentaro?"

He cleared his throat, "I'm washing the dishes Captain," he removed his hands and turned to look at his Captain fully, suds of soap dripping down to the fine wooden floor, he would clean it up later. It was something else to do, something to keep him busy at least. He bowed at his Captain, and staring at the immaculate floor he asked "Was there something you needed, sir?"

Captain Ukitake said nothing for a time, but Sentaro did not meet his gaze, whatever his Captain's thoughts they were his own and he had no right to know them. He cared deeply for his Captain, loved him like a father in some ways and knew he would put his life on the line if it ever came to that. But he knew where his boundaries lay. "No," his Captain finally said in the same kind and caring voice, "I simply wondered where you were," and then he turned and left calling over his shoulder a casual 'Carry on' before disappearing from view.

Sentaro straightened and he stood watching the door for a moment before he echoed a quiet "Yes sir" despite knowing his Captain could no longer hear him. The soft tip tap of water dripping was the only sound for a long time, only broken by the gentle blow of the autumn winds. He blinked, realizing he'd drifted off again and shaking his head he turned back to the dishes, determination set on his brow.

It had been like this for days now. He would casually drift off even when Kiyone or one of the other Shinnigami were speaking to him. This had not happened in the presence of the Captain, until now. He felt a tightness in his throat, and swallowed. It wasn't as if he didn't want to concentrate, everything just felt so much harder of late. Thinking, actions, reactions just _doing things _on the whole. He felt like lead truth be told, as if his arms and legs had been filled with it during the few hours of sleep he got in at night. It certainly felt like it when he forced himself to get up, pulling his body out of bed and trying to stand on shaky legs. His nights had been like that for almost two weeks now, broken and jolted like watching a puppet show in ten second intervals. He had no nightmares just the inane inability to sleep.

A finely painted plate was placed in the drying rack before he picked up a pot. Opening the tap he poured hot water into it, hoping to loosen the sticky substance on the bottom.

He didn't know why he felt this way, dark and heavy. As if he was being pulled down under water and had no chance to breach the surface for air. Like the whole world was pushing down on him, and everything people said only grated his nerves and made him want to shove them away and shut them out before he hurt them. Everyday he just wanted to run away and hide, pull the blankets over his head, curl into a ball and just get everyone to _leave him alone._

The pot slammed into the basin, spraying water and suds everywhere and splattering his face in lukewarm soapy liquid. He closed the tap.

Why was he feeling like this? It didn't make sense, this hollow feeling, this feeling of sorrow and uncaring. The Captain finally had a lieutenant, Kiyone wasn't bugging him as much anymore and his sisters, whom he'd been taking care of for the better part of his life, had finally let him know they could cope without him for a while. For all respects and purposes, he should be happy. He should be more content than he ever had been in his entire life.

The soapy drops trailed down his face, leaving tear like stains on his cheeks. With a hard hand he wiped them away.

He should be happy...

And yet he wasn't. He was acting completely the opposite actually, giving in late reports, messing up on guard duty hell he'd even broken Ukitake's favorite tea set the other day because he'd zoned out and walked into a closed door. His Captain hadn't reprimanded of course, but he knew it wouldn't have mattered if he had, because he didn't care.

Senatro sighed.

He honestly had no feeling whatsoever for the damage he'd done or was doing.

And now he was staring moodily at a basin half filled with water and trying to swallow past a lump in his throat. While inside he felt tired and numb. It made no sense to him.

Finding some control in his arms he picked up the sponge and started to scrub softly at the bottom with some soap. It slowly dissolved, disappearing and breaking away from the pot, and later it would be lost, swallowed by the drain never to be seen again.

It was a sad thought, he felt, a terribly, terribly sad thought. Moments later this hands stilled in the pot, and he bowed his head. He couldn't do this anymore, he felt sick and tired, and constantly annoyed, he wanted it to end. Killing himself was just stupid and selfish, and he never understood why people would do something like that. But he could still leave, right? Give in his resignation, pack up and go? No one would miss him really, there wasn't any connection here or anyone that would demand he stay. Gods, it sounded so very simple.

And so very tempting.

Once again he looked out the window at the puffs of white hanging in the sky, scattered out like vanilla ice cream, and wondered what lay beyond them.

* * *

_This will be a two or three shot, depending on how the next chapter goes!_


	4. Beyond the Blue (Part 2)

_Phew, sorry for taking so long with such a short chapter. I had so many ideas for how the next scene should play out but settled eventually with my initial idea; bringing in Rukia. I modified it quite a bit but I think the emotion is still there (hopefully). This story will have one more chapter to round it up ^^_

_I tried to bring out some of the raw emotion without breaking character with sentaro. Surprisingly he's a pretty hard character to write... but then again he is emotionally unstable-ish so I am taking some creative licence with that XD_

_Right ramble over, on with the story!_

_BookMaggots_

* * *

Title: Beyond The Blue part 2

Warning: Depressing, a little boring perhaps and very self-indulgent XD

Characters: Sentaro, Rukia, Ukitake, Shunsui (those last two will be in the next chapter _)

* * *

Beyond the Blue Part 2

"You're leaving?"

The soft and vaguely surprises voice filtered through the thick haze surrounding Sentaro's brain like cotton. Blinking his gaze refocused on the owner; Rukia. She seemed so small behind Kaien's desk. The papers and large table dwarfing her easily. They'll have to get her another table, he thought, or else no one will take her seriously. He wanted to laugh for some reason, but he could barely smile, so instead he nodded numbly at her expecting face and said settled for a quiet; "Yes,"

Her frown, along with her apparent confusion, deepened further,"...Why?"

He held back a sigh. When he'd come into the small office this morning to hand over his resignation, he'd rather hoped it would have been a quick and painless procedure. Now he was stuck answering questions he had no answer for. There wasn't anything he could say that would merit a good reason for him wanting to leave, or even be true for that matter. He just felt the need to go, the need to escape, this place that had once held so much meaning and joy to him had now become a deathtrap, a cage and he wanted out. But she wanted an answer, and he had to give one that she couldn't pry into.

"Personel reasons, ma'am" That should do it.

"You said that," she turned gestured to the papers with one hand "But that really isn't a good reason Sentaro. I need a bit more so I can explain the situation to Ukitake when he returns from the world of the living,"

He bit back yet another sigh, Or not.

_No_, he thought, _I don't want you to explain anything to him, I don't want him to know what I am doing. Call me a coward, but it's the reason I held out another month before quitting._ He took a deep breath, trying to calm his pounding heart. If Ukitake knew about this, what would he say? Just the thought of seeing disappointment or even worse, anger on that face was enough to make his soul recoil in fear.

But he knew his main reason for not telling the good Captain. Having Rukia accept the resignation was far better than having him do it. Having her fight for him to stay was bad enough. But what if Ukitake had actually been okay with it? What if his Captain had said "Yes I think it best you leave, it will be better for the division,"

He couldn't face that. Just the thought made him want to throw up.

"Sentaro?"

Oh yeah, he'd yet to answer... again.

"I don't have anything to add, ma'am"

She was younger than him, and he had to call her 'ma'am' what a strange world we live in. There was a long silence. Outside the sun was beaming down into the small garden of the 13th division. Its rays filtered through thick clouds. The good weather would end soon enough.

"I need a better answer," she said and he could hear the tight anger begin to seep into her voice, "You've been here longer than I have. I know you're dedicated to Ukitake. It's not hard to see. What in the world would provoke you into leaving us?"

'Us' she'd said. As if everyone would miss him. He really didn't have a lot of ties here, despite his years of servitude. After Kaien died that just... dwindled away. He had no real friends. Kiyone, at one point had been a good and even fun friend, but when they'd become bitter rivals that too just faded. Their anger and resentment over losing a friend and good mentor was directed at each other, and as the pain subsided they still held onto the anger, because it was a better option than morning. But as time showed, it came with a price and today they can barely stay in the same room for more than ten minutes before jumping at each other's throats.

The guilt they had felt over losing him, had in some ways killed them.

He felt tired from years of bickering and this was now engraved into his very soul. He closed his eyes and said softly, "I am tired, and I really just want to leave,"

She huffed, obviously at the end of her patience. She'd never been a patient one, "Then take a break!" she said irritably, "Go away for two weeks, have a holiday!" rising from her chair she stalked over to him. He didn't look at her but he could taste the anger and frustration in her reiatsu.

"And if you really are that tired, then maybe you should stop badgering Ukitake so much!"

It was the straw that broke the camel's back. His fury, hidden beneath layers and layers of depression suddenly reared its head. Pushing away all the sorrow, burning it away with a blazing inferno to consume him. His head snapped up, his gaze burning into hers. The temptation was there, just to hit her, strike her make her hurt. His thoughts had been so very occupied with it of late.

A lesser man would have given into that temptation, would have slammed his fist square in her jaw and watch he recoil from shock and pain, and gained some satisfaction from it. His father had taught him better than that. Being angry was one thing, being angry and taking it out on someone else was something else entirely.

Rukia stepped back from the hostile stare in surprise. As he tried to calm his soul down he watched her face break down into a mix of guilt and frustration.

"Sentaro, I-"

"I am leaving," he cut her off when he was certain he was calm enough. She blinked at him and with a final glare he turned and left, saying over his shoulder; "With or without your consent,"

"You can't do that!" she cried to his retreating back, "That's called desertion! If Central 46 hears about it you'll be banished from the Seireitei!"

He ignored her.

"Sentarou!" her voice cracked slightly from the desperation. He paused in the doorway and looked at the window, beyond which lay the garden, beyond which lay the sky and beyond that...

"No," he said, smiling bitterly, "That's called freedom,"

And without another word he left, ignoring her cries and the strange stares from his fellow Soul Reapers, feeling safe in the knowledge that by this time tomorrow he would feel better. If not happier.

* * *

_Bleach, not all that happy with it... but heesh it had to be posted XD_


End file.
